dioson

Sunday, July 8, 2012

About Mount Kilimanjaro


Geology

Kilimanjaro is composed of three distinct volcanic cones: Kibo 5,895 m (19,341 ft); Mawenzi 5,149 m (16,893 ft); and Shira 3,962 m (13,000 ft). Uhuru Peak is the highest summit on Kibo's crater rim.
Kilimanjaro is a giant stratovolcano that began forming a million years ago, when lava spilled from the Rift Valley zone. Two of its three peaks, Mawenzi and Shira, are extinct while Kibo (the highest peak) is dormant and could erupt again. The last major eruption has been dated to 360,000 years ago, while the most recent activity was recorded just 200 years ago.
Although it is dormant, Kibo has fumaroles that emit gas in the crater. Scientists concluded in 2003 that molten magma is just 400 m (1,310 ft) below the summit crater.[citation needed] Several collapses and landslides have occurred on Kibo in the past, one creating the area known as the Western Breach.

[edit]Name

It is unknown where the name Kilimanjaro originates, but a number of theories exist. European explorers had adopted the name by 1860 and reported that it was its Swahili name,[5] with Kilimanjaro breaking into Kilima (Swahili for "hill, little mountain") and Njaro,[6] whose supposed origin varies according to the theories—according to some it is an ancient Swahili word for white or for shining,[7] or for the non-Swahili origin, a word from the Kichagga language, the word jaro meaning "caravan". The problem with all these is that they cannot explain why the diminutivekilima is used instead of the proper word for mountain, mlima. The name might be a local joke, referring to the "little hill of the Njaro" being the biggest mountain on the African continent, since this is a nearby town, and guides recount that it is the Hill of the Njaro people. A different approach is to assume that it comes from the Kichagga kilmanare or kileajao meaning "which defeats the bird/leopard/caravan". However this theory cannot explain the fact that Kilimanjaro was never used in Kichagga before in Europe in the mid-19th century.[5]
An alternative theory is as follows: On November 10, 1848, the German missionary Rebmann wrote in his diary, "This morning we discerned the Mountains of Jagga more distinctly than ever." Jagga was the pronunciation of Chagga by Europeans. Kilimanjaro may also be the European pronunciation of the Chagga phrase that "Kile-lema-irho", meaning "we failed to climb it" in Kiuru, Kioldimoshi, Kimarangu, Kivunjo, Kikibosho, Kimachame and Kirombo, Kichagga in general. If so, name itself, Kile-lema-irho/Kilimanjaro, would have been the Chagga way of explaining to kyasaka (newcomers) when they asked about the shining mountain top of Kibo and Mawenzi Peak. Kibo peak is more visible from the Kibosho Area, and Mawenzi from Maranu.[citation needed]
The Ki- prefix in Swahili has several underlying meanings. The old Ka- diminutive noun prefix (found now only as Kadogo—a small degree), merged with the Ki class. One of its meanings was to also describe something unique of its kind: Kilima, a single peak, as opposed toMlima, which would better describe a mountain range or undulating country. Several other mountains also bear this prefix, such as Kilima Mbogo (Buffalo Mountain), just north of Nairobi in Kenya. People with disabilities are also placed in this class, not so much as a diminutive idea; but a unique condition they possess: a blind or a deaf person, Kipofu and Kiziwi. This prefix "Ki-" in no way implies a derogatory sense. The name Kibo in Kichagga means "spotted" and refers to rocks seen on snowfields.
In the 1880s, the mountain, at that time spelled Kilima-Ndscharo in German following the Swahili name components, became a part ofGerman East Africa after Karl Peters had persuaded local chiefs to sign treaties (a common story that Queen Victoria gave the mountain to her grandson Kaiser Wilhelm II is not true).[8] When in 1889 Hans Meyer reached the highest summit on the crater ridge of Kibo, he named it "Kaiser-Wilhelm-Spitze" ("Kaiser Wilhelm peak").[5] That name was used until 1918, when after World War I the German colonies were handed over to the British empire. When Tanganyika gained its independence in 1961, this summit was named "Uhurupeak", meaning "Freedom peak" in Swahili.
Peeking

[edit]First ascent

In 1861, the German officer Baron Carl Claus von der Decken and the young British geologist Richard Thornton (1838–1863) made a first attempt to climb Kibo,[9] but "got no farther than 8,200 feet"[10] (2,500 meters). In 1862, Von der Decken tried a second time together with Otto Kersten. They reached a height of 14,000 feet (4,280 meters).[11][12]
In 1887, during his first attempt to climb Kilimanjaro, the German geology professor Hans Meyer reached the base of Kibo, but was forced to turn back, not having the equipment necessary to handle the deep snow and ice on Kibo. The following year, Meyer planned another attempt with cartographer Oscar Baumann, but the mission was aborted due to consequences of the Abushiri Revolt. Meyer and Baumann were captured and held hostage, and only escaped after a ten thousand rupees ransom had been paid.[13]
In 1889 Meyer returned to Kilimanjaro with the celebrated Austrian mountaineer Ludwig Purtscheller for a third attempt. Their climbing team included two local headmen, nine porters, a cook, and a guide. The success of this attempt, which started on foot from Mombasa, was based on the establishment of many campsites with food supplies so that multiple attempts at the top could be made without having to descend too far. After Meyer and Purtscheller pushed to near the crater rim on October 3, exhausted from hacking footsteps in the icy slope, they reached the highest summit on the southern rim of the crater on Purtscheller's 40th birthday, October 6, 1889. They were the first to confirm that Kibo has a crater, which was filled with ice at the time. After descending to the saddle between Kibo and Mawenzi, Meyer and Purtscheller attempted to climb the more technically challenging Mawenzi next, but could only reach a 5096 m high subsidiary peak (later to be named Klute Peak) before retreating due to illness. On October 18 they reascended Kibo to enter and study the crater, cresting the rim at Hans Meyers Notch. In total, Meyer and Purtscheller spent 16 days above 4,200 m during their expedition.[13][14]
The summit of Kibo wouldn't be climbed again until 20 years later (by the surveyor M. Lange in 1909), and the first ascent of the highest (5149 m) summit of Mawenzi was only on July 29, 1912, by the German climbers Edward Oehler and Fritz Klute, who christened it Hans Meyer Peak in Meyer's honor. Oehler and Klute went on to make the third ascent of Kibo, via the Western route over the Drygalski Glacier.[14]
In 1989, the organizing committee of the 100-year celebration of the first ascent decided to award posthumous certificates to the African porter-guides who had accompanied Meyer and Purtscheller. One person in pictures or documents of the 1889 expedition was thought to match a living inhabitant ofMarangu, Yohani Kinyala Lauwo. Lauwo did not know his own age nor did he remember Meyer or Purtscheller, but he remembered joining a Kilimanjaro expedition involving a Dutch doctor who lived near the mountain and not wearing shoes during the 8-day affair. Lauwo claimed that he had climbed the mountain 3 times before World War I. The committee concluded that he had been a member of Meyer's team and therefore must have been born around 1871.[15] Lauwo died on 10 May 1996 at the thus reconstructed world-record age of 124 or 125 and is now even often suggested as co-first-ascendant of Kilimanjaro.[16]

[edit]Mapping

Early maps of Kilimanjaro were published by the British Government's Directorate of Overseas Surveys (DOS 422 Y742) in 1963. These were based on air photography carried out as early as 1959 by the RAF. These were on a scale of 1:50,000 with contours at 100 ft intervals. These are now unavailable. Tourist mapping was first published by the Ordnance Survey in England in 1989 based on the original DOS mapping (1:100,000, 100 ft intervals, DOS 522). This is also no longer available. EWP produced a map with tourist information in 1990 (1:75,000, 100 m contour intervals, inset maps of Kibo and Mawenzi on 1:20,000 and 1:30,000 scales respectively and 50 m contour interval). In the last few years, numerous other maps have become available of various qualities.[3] 3D route maps are also available online.[17]

[edit]Trekking Kilimanjaro

There are six official trekking routes[18] by which to climb Mt Kilimanjaro, namely: Marangu, Rongai, Lemosho,[19] Shira, Umbwe and Machame. Of all the routes, Machame[20] is by far the most scenic albeit steeper route up the mountain, which can be done in six or seven days.[21] The Rongai is the easiest and least scenic of all camping routes with the most difficult summit night and the Marangu is also relatively easy, but accommodation is in shared huts with all other climbers. As a result, this route tends to be very busy, and ascent and descent routes are the same. [22]
People who wish to trek to the summit of Kilimanjaro are advised to undertake appropriate research[23] and ensure that they are both properly equipped and physically capable. Though the climb is technically not as challenging as when climbing the high peaks of the Himalayas or Andes, the high elevation, low temperature, and occasional high winds make this a difficult and dangerous trek. Acclimatisation is essential, and even then most experienced trekkers suffer some degree of altitude sickness.[24] Kilimanjaro summit is well above the altitude at which high altitude pulmonary edema (HAPE), or high altitude cerebral edema (HACE) can occur.[25] All trekkers will suffer considerable discomfort, typically shortage of breath, hypothermia and headaches.
High-altitude climbing clubs—citing safe ascent rate suggestions offered by organisations such as the Royal Geographical Society—have criticised the Tanzanian authorities for charging fees for each day spent on the mountain. It was once argued that this fee structure encouraged trekkers to climb rapidly to save time and money, while proper acclimatisation demands that delays are built in to any high climb. However, in response to this accusation, Tanzania National Parks Authority several years ago mandated minimum climb durations for each route. These regulations prohibit climbs of fewer than five days on the Marangu Route, and ensure a minimum of six days for the other five sanctioned routes. These minimums—particularly in the case of Marangu, which ostensibly allows that Uhuru Peak (5,895m) can be reached from a starting elevation at 1,860m within 72 hours of beginning the ascent—are reckoned by most alpinists to allow an ascent rate that will usually result in the climber failing to acclimatize adequately, by the time that Kibo Huts are reached; the launch base from which the summit is assaulted. Consequently, the incidence of Acute Mountain Sickness (AMS) is widely deemed to be unacceptably high on Kilimanjaro, with high volumes of fit young people succumbing to the condition, having opted for a relatively rapid ascent. As a general rule, it is far safer (and more enjoyable) to avoid altitude sickness by planning a sensible itinerary that allows for gradual acclimatisation to high elevation as one ascends. Operations that typically see in excess of a thousand climbers summitting annually and are best placed to identify such patterns, usually posit that an optimal climb length should last around seven to eight days.
Tanzanian Medical Services around the mountain have expressed concern recently[when?] over the current influx of tourists that apparently perceive Kilimanjaro as an easy walk. However this is not the case. Many individuals require significant attention during their attempts, and many are forced to abandon the trek. An investigation into the matter concluded that tourists visiting Tanzania were often encouraged to join groups heading up the mountain without being made aware of the significant physical demands of the climb, although many outfitters and tour operators flaunt high success rates for reaching the summit. The Kilimanjaro National Park shows that only 41% of trekkers actually reach the Uhuru summit with the majority turning around at Gilman’s Point, 300 metres (980 feet) short of Uhuru, or Stella Point, 200 (660 feet) meters short of Uhuru. Kilimanjaro is often underestimated because it can be walked and is not a technical climb. However, many mountaineers consider Kilimanjaro very physically demanding.
Some estimate that more people have died to date trekking up Kilimanjaro than Mount Everest but Everest is attempted by significantly fewer climbers.[citation needed] In August 2007 four trekkers died within a week underscoring the point that trekking to the summit should not be taken casually. Multiple people (trekkers, porters, and guides) die on the mountain each year. The majority of these deaths are porters, from hypothermia. Trekkers fall on steep portions of the mountain, and rock slides have killed trekkers. For this reason, the route via the Arrow Glacier was closed for several years. It re-opened in December 2007,[26] but the park officials advise against taking that route and tell trekkers that they can climb, but at their own risk. When attempting the Arrow Glacier route, trekkers must leave early in the morning and make it past the rock face before mid-afternoon as when the sun comes out, unfrozen rock slides become quite common.

[edit]Unique vegetation

Being an Afromontane sky island, Kilimanjaro has an enormous biodiversity while low in endemic species. However endemics include the giant groundsels in the bunchgrass tussock grasslands, and other flora adapted to living in alpine plant conditions.
Kilimanjaro has a large variety of forest types over an altitudinal range of 3,000 m (9,843 ft) containing over 1,200 vascular plant species. Montane Ocotea forests occur on the wet southern slope.Cassipourea and Juniperus forests grow on the dry northern slope. Subalpine Erica forests at 4,100 m (13,451 ft) represent the highest elevation cloud forests in Africa. In contrast to this enormous biodiversity, the degree of endemism is low. However, forest relicts in the deepest valleys of the cultivated lower areas suggest that a rich forest flora inhabited Mt Kilimanjaro in the past, with restricted-range species otherwise only known from the Eastern Arc mountains. The low degree of endemism on Kilimanjaro may result from destruction of lower elevation forest rather than the relatively young age of the mountain.
Another feature of the forests of Kilimanjaro is the absence of a bamboo zone, which occurs on all other tall mountains in East Africa with a similarly high rainfall. Sinarundinaria alpina stands are favoured by elephants and African Buffalos elsewhere. On Kilimanjaro these megaherbivores occur on the northern slopes, where it is too dry for a large bamboo zone to develop. They are excluded from the wet southern slope forests by topography and humans, who have cultivated the foothills for at least 2000  years.
This interplay of biotic and abiotic factors could explain not only the lack of a bamboo zone on Kilimanjaro but also offers possible explanations for the patterns of diversity and endemism. If true, Kilimanjaro's forests would serve as a striking example of the large and long-lasting influence of both animals and humans on the African landscape.

[edit]Physical features

Mount Kilimanjaro as seen from Moshi town, Kilimanjaro region
Kilimanjaro rises from its base, and approximately 5,100 m (16,732 ft) from the plains near Moshi. Kibo is capped by an almost symmetrical cone with scarps rising 180 to 200 m on the south side. These scarps define a 2.5 km wide caldera.[27] Within this caldera is an inner crater, the Reusch Crater. This inner crater was named after Dr. Richard Reusch. The name was conferred by the government of Tanganyika in 1954 at the same time it awarded Reusch a gold medal on having climbed Kilmanjaro for the 25th time. Reusch climbed Kilimanjaro 65 times and helped to establish the exact elevation of the crater.[28][29] Within the Reusche Crater lies the Ash Pit. The Reusche Crater itself is nearly surrounded by a 400 feet (120 m) high dune of volcanic ash.[30]
Kilimanjaro is also notable for presenting the greatest area of the Earth's surface in one view. This is due to its height in combination with the surrounding flatness of the land.[citation needed]

Friday, July 6, 2012

Interesting buildings



Fafe - Portugal - (Casa do Penedo



Baku,Azerbaijan





Fish Building - INDIA



Upside Down House in Malaysia



Hamburger University



Tanzania tujitahidi kujenga moja.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

HIZI NDO FAIDA ZA SUPA 5, DILI TANO ZA UKWELI ZA AIRTEL




1.Hivi inakuaje bado haujawaweka mabesti wako wa tatu kwenye dili na ulipe nusu shilingi kwa sekunde?
2. Kwanini ulipie facebook wakati unaweza kuperus kwa BURE na Airtel?
3. Kwanini usitumie fursa ya kuperuz intanet BURE usiku?
4. Usipoteze pesa bureee kwenye mitandao huku hakuna longo longo, ukiwa Airtel pia unaongea na yeyote kwa ROBO shilling kwa sekunde,usiku kuchwa!!
5. Kubwa zaidi unapata sms 200 Bure , Baada ya kutuma sms 10 kwa shs 30 kila moja…halafu ufurahie kuchat na washkaji KIBAO siku nzima

Hili ndo DILI 5 ya SUPA 5 kwa watu SUPA kama sisi,,,.unasubiri nini.???.Jiunge sasa

Piga *149*99# au ANDIKA neno ‘SIKU’ kisha number 3 za marafiki utakazopigia kwa nusu shillingi na utume kwenda 15548

Man who lost legs as a child scales Kilimanjaro



A man who lost both his legs as a child has become the first to scale Mount Kilimanjaro using his hands.





A man who lost both his legs as a child has become the first to scale Mount Kilimanjaro using his hands.
Spencer West’s trek to the top of Kilimanjaro raised more than £300,000 for charity Free The Children




Spencer West, 31, from Toronto, Canada, reached the summit of the 19,341ft mountain on Tuesday after trekking for seven days. He climbed most of the journey on his hands, spending only 20 per cent of the trek in a custom-made wheelchair when the terrain wasn’t as steep or rocky.
Mr West had his legs amputated below the knee when he was three-years old due to a genetic disorder – sacral agenesis. When he was five he had to have the rest of his legs removed below the pelvis.
The rare congenital disorder meant the development of his lower spine was impeded, leaving his legs permanently crossed. Doctors told him he would never be a normal functioning member of society – a judgment Mr West has challenged his entire life.
Mr West, who spent one year training for the expedition, scaled Africa’s highest peak with his two best friends David Johnson and Alex Meers. The trio began their hike on June 12, navigating through jungle, snowfield and deserts, but finally making it to the top at 11.15am on June 20.
Only 50 per cent of those who attempt the mountain usually make it to the top.
By Hans Dios

vichekesho bomba


Jamaa alimpa lift mwanamke, basi ikawa kila akibadilisha gia mkono unagusa paja la yule binti,basi yule mwanamke akawa analalamika na kusema "kasome Mathayo 7:7"Jamaa akaogopa na kuacha kumshika! ile kufika home tu jamaa akakimbilia biblia. Kufungua akakuta imeandikwa"OMBENI NANYI MTAPEWA"

PADRI aliwaomba waumini mchango wa kuzungushia ukuta eneo la makaburini, mlevi akauliza kuna marehemu aliyewahi kutoroka? Ukuta wa nini?

Kuna watu wawili walienda railway station wakakuta train ndio inaondoka wakaanza kuikimbiza mmoja akafankiwa kuipata"alieachwa akawa anacheka"watu wakamuliza unacheka nini wakati umeachwa? akasema yule aliepanda alikuwa ananisindikiza mimi"

Padri alihubiri akasema, Biblia inasema kuwa wasiotubu, wakiendelea kutenda dhambi watalia na kusaga meno siku ya hukumu. Kibogoyo 1 akacheka, akamnong'oneza mwenzake akasema,"Sisi tumebarikiwa kwa sababu hii adhabu ya kusaga meno kwetu haipo', Asante Yesu......."!

Siku moja kulikuwa na harusi kwenye kanisa moja hapa Tukuyu, wakati misa ya ndoa ikiendelea Mchungaji ikafika wakati wa kuuliza kama kuna mtu mwenye kipingamizi na ndoa, alipouliza kama mtu babu mmoja na mkongojo wake akajivuta taratibu mpaka mbele, bibi harusi alipomwona akapiga kelele "Mungu wangu" akaanguka na kuzimia, Mchungaji akamuuliza "Ehee babu tuambie una kizuizi gani?" Babu akajibu "kule nyuma spika mbovu nimeamua kuja mbele nisikie vyema".

Mdada kachukua simu ya mpenzi wake na kujibeep kwa lengo la kujua mwenzi wake kamsave kwa jina gani,huku akiwa na matumaini ya kukuta jina kama wife,sweet,darling,honey,lahaulah kubeep tu kakuta jina la RASHIDI FUNDI BOMBA

Dogo mmoja wa darasa la kwanza alipanda daladala huku akiimba kwa sauti kubwa v2 alivyofundishwa school “baba akiwa jogoo mama akiwa kuku mimi ntakua kifaranga,… baba akiwa beberu mama akiwa mbuzi mimi nitakua ndama’’ dogo aliimba kwa muda mrefu mpaka kondakta akakasirika, akamwambia ‘’Ah weee! hebu nyamaza.. jee kama baba angekua msenge na mama malaya weee ungekua nani?” dogo dogo akamjibu “ningekua kondakta

Jamani duniani kuna watu wa ajabu yani huwez amini juz kanisani nilikaa na jamaa 1 anavuta sigara kanisan bila uoga,nlitetemeka nusura niangushe bia yangu
A Gal was towelling her wet Pussy.
She enjoyed It and started rubbing it vigorously until the pussy cried meow and ran away.....

Be kind to animals
baada ya kutoudhulia kanisani kwa kipindi kirefu sana na kuongeza maudhulio kwenye club na disco na sehemu za sitarehe kwa sana... jamaa kaamua kwenda leo ili apake majivu.kakuta mzee wa kanisa mlangoni ikabidi amuulize hivi leo kiingilio shilingi ngapi sababu mara ya mwisho niliacha ilikuwa 5000 bila kinywaji.


One day her neighbor found out! Then he made a hole in d wall,removed d man's dick and put his dick instead waiting for the lady. The lady came with a knife, cuts the dick and said darling we are movin out....
Jamaa akiwa kuzimu akamuuliza Israeli " Samahani Mkuu naomba nimpigie simu wife Israeli akajibu " Poa, dakika ngapi? Jamaa "dakika tano tu Mkuu" , Jamaa alivyomaliza akauliza "Mkuu shilingi ngapi? Israeli akajibu " kuzimu kwenda kuzimu ni free mjomba"
A 70 yr old man asks her wife "Do you feel sad when you see me running after young girls?"
Wife replied, "No not at all. Even dogs chase cars they can't drive!

Mvuta bangi mmoja alikuwa uchocholoni anavuta bangi mala akasikia sauti nzito akauliza "we ni nani?" sauti ikajibu me ni izlaeli mtoa roho" Mvuta bangi akajibu "dah umenishtua kweli nusu nijinyee nilifikili polisi,njoo tugonge vyombo"

TWO DIFFICULT THINGS TO ACHIEVE:
1. To plant your ideas in someone else's head.
2. To put someone else's money in your own pocket.

The one who succeeds in the first one is called a TEACHER

And the second is called a BUSINESSMAN.

The one who succeeds in both is called a WIFE.

The one who fails in both is called a HUSBAND

Walevi watatu walilewa sana, wakakodi taxi.
Mwenye taxi alipowaona wamelewa sana akawasha gari halafu kazima, akasema "tayari tumefika."
Mlevi wa kwanza akatoa pesa akampa dereva, wa pili kamwambia dereva "thank you"
wa tatu akampiga kibao dereva kamwabia "Shenzi siku nyingine usiendeshe mbio utakuja kutuua"
Son:"Dad, what do I give my new girlfriend as a valentine gift?"
Dad: "How does she look?"
Son: "She looks sweet, pretty, fun to be with and of course very sexy"
Dad: "Give her my number..
A secretary got an expensive PEN as birthday gift from her boss.
She sent her boss a 'Thank You' via SMS. The wife read the text and angrily shows her husband the message:

"Your penis wonderful, I enjoyed using it last night. Thanks."

Moral Of the Story : Space is essential for a successful married life.

jamaa mmoja alikua anapita nje ya wodi ya vichaa..akasikia kichaa mmoja anapiga kelele akisema 11,11,11 alivozidi sogea karibu ile sauti ya yule kichaa ilikua ikongezeka ikiashiria alikua amekaribia pale anapopigia kelele. Basi kulikua na kitundu jamaa akaona achungulie ajue ni nini anacho hesabu. Mara tu alipo chungulia, yule kichaa akamtoboa jicho na akaanza kuhesabu 12, 12, 12

Mgombea alienda katika kampeni za uchaguzi kwenye Kijiji cha SENGE mkoani Ruvuma.
Salamu ikawa hivi:
"M/kiti na Katibu wa Senge..
Ndugu Wananchi wa Senge..
Vijana,Wazee na Watoto wooote wa Senge..
... Mabibi na Mabwana wa Senge..
Habari zenu.."
Watu kimyaa..
Akaendelea,"wa Senge Oyyeee!"
Wananchi,"mwenyewee..!"

Mangi mmoja street kwetu alipopokea bill ya Maji ya mwezi December 2011 iliyokuwa T.SHS 300,000, akawapigia DAWASCO huku akifoka. Aisee "NAONA BILL YA YALE MAFURIKO NIMELETEWA MIMI".
Beki tatu alikuwa anafanya Usafi chumbani kwa tajiri yake, ghafla akaona kondom uvunguni akaivuta na mfagio halafu akauliza "mama hii nini"
Mama akajibu kwa hasira "hivi wewe ina maana haufanywi?"
Beki tatu akajibu "nafanywa lakini boyfriend wangu ngozi huwa inabaki ya baba mpaka inatoa ngozi kwani mashindano?"

Binti mmoja alimuuliza ndugu yake wa kiume"kwa nini baba na mama wamo chumbani tu hawatoki takriban wiki nzima hii"? Yu le kijana wa kiume akamjibu nduguye" sijui"huku akiwa anacheka,yule binti ikabidi amuulize kakaake kwa mshangao mbona unacheka sasa!? Kaka mtu akajibu" Baba na mama walinitaka niwapatie vaseline lakini mimi nilifanya mistake nikawapa gundi".
Mangi kaanguka mbele ya geti la tbl... Watu wakasema mpeni maji... Mangi akasema.. Ningetaka maji ningeenda anguka dawasco.

Mlevi kapiga simu polisi:
MLEVI: hallow kuna wizi umetokea, nilipaki gari nikakuta stelling dashboard na siti ya dereva havipo.
POLISI: tunakuja sasa hivi, upo mtaa gani?
MLEVI: ooh samahani! Msije kumbe niliingilia mlango wa nyuma.

Kaka mmoja alikuwa kanisani kakaa karibu na mrembo wakati pastor anahubiri kaka akaanza:
kaka: jaman dada nimekupenda, we mzuri, hakika we ni tunda la moyo wangu.....
dada: kaka naomba umsikilize mchungaji...
kaka: nakupenda kweli nipe moyo wako, usiogope tutanunua hata CD tukasikilize nyumbani nikubalie tuu
dada: hivi kaka huniskii?
... kaka: akika kweli umenibamba nitakupa kila hitaji la moyo wako...
dada(kwa kelele):nimesem a niache,
kanisa zima likawageuka, kwa kuona aibu yule kaka akasema...
"SINTAKUACHA MPAKA NIONE UMEKUBALI YESU KUWA BWANA NA MOKOZI WA MAISHA YAKO"

Mzee mmoja aliwakataza vijana kuvuta bangi karibu na nyumba yake,Wavuta bangi wakaamua kumwamisha,kwanza wakavuta bangi ya kutosha wakavua mashati wakaanza kusukuma ile nyumba, kibaka akapitia yale mashati, mmoja wao alivyogeuka nyuma hakuyaona akajua wameshafika mbali akawaambia wenzie tukazane tumefika mbali hata nguo zetu hazionekani wakaendelea mpaka bange zilivyoyeyuka kchwani wakaona wako palepale.
Peponi kutakuwa hakuna watu wengi kwasababu ya roho mbaya zetu!
Mtu anacho lakini kumpa mwenzie anaona haramu!
je ungepewa kazi ugawe riziki tungepona? pengine wewe roho yako nzuri hebu tuone!
mimi simu yangu haina vocha naomba unipunguzie! nina hakika mtihani huu utafeli,
kama mimi muongo tuma vocha sasa!

Bibi alienda kupiga Xray, Doctor akamwambia moyo umetoboka katikati na pembeni umevimba pande mbili. Bibi akasema we mtoto nadhani umechanganya negative ya picha mtu alipiga matako yake?kalete yangu

Afisa misitu alikwenda kwenye shamba la miti la jamaa kukagua, Jamaa akamwambia usiingie muda huu,Afisa akatoa kitambulisho cha kazi akamwonyesha huku akimwambia "We nani wa kunizuia? Niache nifanye kazi yangu" Jamaa akanywea akamfungulia gate. Baada ya muda jamaa akamuona afisa misitu akifukuzwa na nyuki huku akipiga makelele "Mama nakufa nisaidieni Nyuki wataniua" Jamaa akamwambia WAONYESHE KITAMBULISHO BLAZA

Jambazi aliingia MSIKITINI na bunduki akasema:
"Haya wanaojifanya wanampenda MWENYEZI MUNGU NA MTUME wabaki na wasiompenda watoke nje". Waumini wote wakatoka nje ndani akabaki IMAM na wazee wawili tu! Jambazi akamgeukia IMAM akasema 'SHEIKH' sasa unaweza kuendelea na swala yako, nilitaka kukuondolea wanafiki tu!

Dent mmoja baada ya kushindwa kujibu mtihani ikabidi afanye hivi kwenye karatasi ya kujibu maswali /////////////////// kisha akaandika.. "KWANGUA UTAONA MAJIBU"

Mtumishi wa MUNGU mmoja akiwa kwenye gari alisimamishwa na Trafic Police,police
akiwa anahitaji rushwa alianza kuuliza maswali mengi, mara mbona
gari lako linatoa moshi mwingi? mbona gari lako matairi yameisha,
hatimaye polisi akamuamuru padre waende nae kituoni.
Njiani polisi alimuuliza , umesema wewe ni Mtumishi wa MUNGU, je unabiblia
ndani ya gari, akajibu ndio ninayo, polisi akamuambia ,
pack ...gari pembeni na unipe biblia. Mtumishi akapaki gari na kumpa biblia
yule polisi,Polisi akasita kupokea, akamwambia Mtumishi 'fungua na usome
Mathayo 5:25-26 "Mtu wa Mungu akasoma ":
"Patana na Mshtaki wako upesi,wakati uwapo pamoja naye njiani: yule mshtaki asijekukupeleka kwa kadhi na kadhi akakupeleka kwa askari,ukatupwa gerezani.
" Amin nakuambia,Hutoki humo kamwe hata uishe kulipa senti ya mwisho"
Mtu wa Mungu akampa yaliyo yake kaizari.
Polisi akatabasamu na kusema 'msifanye migumu mioyo yenu".. Enenda kwa amani

WASIFU WA MAREHEMU USIO WA KINAFIKI Mwenyekiti wa kamati ya mazishi akainuka na kuanza kusema ‘kinachofuata sasa ndugu wafiwa na marafiki wa marehemu ni kusoma historia fupi ya marehemu tuliyemzika hapa leo, karibu ndugu uliyeandaliwa kwa shughuli hiyo’ Msomaji aliyeandaliwa alianza kusoma ‘Ifuatayo ni historia fupi ya marehemu tuliyemlaza ktk nyumba ya milele. Marehemu alizaliwa juu ya mti ambapo... mzazi wake alijihifadhi baada ya kukimbia mafuriko miaka 26 iliyopita. Hakubahatika kupata kazi ya maana japo alisoma mpaka kidato cha tano, aliamua kuacha shule mwaka juzi baada ya kuona elimu haina mpango kwake. Marehemu alikuwa kero kwa familia yake hasa kwa tabia yake chafu ya udokozi wa mboga, uongo, uvutaji bangi, ubakaji wa mifugo na baadae ushoga. Mimi binafsi mjomba wake nimefurahishwa sana na kifo cha marehemu huyu kwani alishawahi kunipakazia kuwa nimekufa mara mbili kiasi na kufanya ndugu wote wakakusanyika na kunililia msiba. Mtoto
alitutia hasara sana kwani alikuwa mwizi wa vitu vya ndani na pesa! pia tumepoteza gharama kibao kumsomesha lakini aliishia kuwa shoga tangu tarehe 06/04/99. Mareh
emu hakuugua bali kifo chake ni cha kujitakia kwani kajiua baada ya kukosa nauli ya kwenda Mombasa kuhudhuria onyesho la vikundi vitatu vya mduara. Kwa niaba ya familia, wazazi, ndugu, jamaa na marafiki wa marehemu tunatoa pongezi za dhati kwa Mwenyezi Mungu kwa kutupunguzia kero na asiilaze roho ya marehemu peponi wala asimpumzishe, kama kuna mkong'oto huko ampe kiaina'. AMINA

Vitu 10 Ambavyo Wanawake Wamewazidi Wanaume...;
1. Wana Nguo Nyingi Kuliko Wanaume.
2. Wanafahamu Nani Ni Baba Halisi Wa Watoto Wao.
3. Ni Wepesi Kupenda Na Wakipenda Hupenda Kweli.
4. Wanaoga Mara Nyingi Zaidi Kwa Siku.
5. Wana Huruma Sana Ingawa Mara Nyingi Huwa Inawaponza.
6. Wana Uwezo Wa Kubadilisha Tabia Ya Mwanaume Muda Wowote.
7. Wana Uwezo Wa Kuishi Na Kupendeza Bila Kuwa Na Kazi Wala Biashara Yoyote(Akili Kumkichwa).
8. Kwao Nywele Na Kucha Ndo Vitu Vya Kwanza Kufikiria Wakitaka Kutoka.
9. Wana Uwezo Wa Ku-Pretend Kwa Muda Mrefu Zaidi Hasa Kwenye Mapenzi.
10. Nipe Nyingine Unayodhani Nimeisahau..............

A Nigerian mom says after receiving news that her teen daughter is pregnant, "chineeke my daughter u have killed me oooo,i told u if a man touches ur breasts say DON'T! and if he touches ua vagina say STOP! u didn't listen 2me u stupid gal." the gal replied,"but mama i did..... he was touching both places at da same tym so i said "DONT STOP"

Swahili couple went to London.
One day in the hotel room,the husband heard his wife scream, "Panya! Panya!"
He wanted to inform Room Service but didn't knew what the English word for "panya"
Si unajua mswahili hashindwi kitu?
Husband: Hello,room service
... Room service: Yes sir,how can I help u?
Husband: Do you know Tom & Jerry?
Room service: Yes, sir,I know Tom & Jerry
Husband: Jerry is here is here in our room!
Kuna jamaa alikuwa amekufa vibaya kimapenzi kwa demu wa chuo ila demu akawa amemkatalia kuwa na mchizi pamoja.
Siku moja mchizi akaenda kwa demu akamkuta ameloweka chupi zake anataka azifue,mchizi akamuomba aletewe maji ya kunywa,dada aliporudi na glass ya maji akakuta jamaa kanywa yale maji aliyolowekea chupi zake,demu akamuulza "wewe kaka una kichaa?",jamaa akajibu,'' nyama umeninyima,hata supu nisinywe?!!''
MUME.: VP dia leo umekula nini nilisahau acha hela ya mlo
MKE: tumeshindia mapera me na shemeji ako, alafu me ndo nilipanda mtini
MUME: Mh ajakuchungulia chupi?
MKE: WE? nilimshtukia nikavua mapema nikapanda ivyo ivyo
MUME: mh?
Jamaa jasho likimtoka na panga kali mkononi akaingia msikitini,akaanza kuwauliza,hapa nani muislam?wote wakawa kimya,akauliza tena, jamani hapa nani muislamu?watu wakaendelea kuuchuna,akamchukua mmoja wao aliyekuwa amekaa mlangoni akatoka nae nje,kufika nje akamwambia,samahani mkuu wangu kwa kukusumbua,naomba unichinjie mbuzi wangu, jamaa akakubali akamchinja yule mbuzi,kisha akamwambia mie kuchuna cwez labda urudi tena msikitin, jamaa huku panga likiwa limejaa damu akarudi msikitin,jaman nani muislam hapa? wakamuonyesha Imamu,Imamu akaanza kujitetea,Aah jamani yaani mie kuswalisha leo 2 ndo nimeshakuwa muislamu!!!_ (WEEKLY JOKE)

End of semister

Ni jambo la kumshukuru Mungu kwa kumaliza mwaka wa masomo salama.Nawatakia wanafunzi na waalimu wote likizo njema yenye mafanikio.